Funny Christmas One-Liners

Happy Holidays! Count down the days until Christmas with these very funny kid’s Christmas One-Liners. We guarantee this clean Christmas humor will help you “ho ho ho” like a certain jolly old elf.

  • What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
    A rebel without a Claus.
  • What do you call an elf who sings?
    A wrapper!
  • Why is Christmas just like your job?
    You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
    Because it soot’s him
  • Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
    Because the present’s beneath them.
  • What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet?
    It’s Saint-NICKEL-LESS
  • What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
    Tinselitis!

  • Why is Santa so jolly?
    Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
  • Why doesn’t Santa have any children ?
    Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it’s down the chimney.
  • What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
    Sandy Claws!
  • What has 34 legs, 9 heads and 2 arms?
    Santa Claus and his reindeer…
  • Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
    You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common?
    They both have ornamental balls.
  • What does one ho plus two ho make?
    Answer, a jolly Santa
  • Who doesn’t eat on Christmas?
    A turkey because it is always stuffed.
  • Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
    To keep her off the North Pole
  • How do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger is waiting in line with you on Black Friday?
    He Jingles All The Way.
  • What do you call Santa’s helpers?
    Subordinate clauses

Also Read: Christmas Wishes For Sister and Brother 2016




  • Why is it always cold during Christmas?
    Because its Decemburrrrrrrr.
  • Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
    Because he thought his wife was a flake.
  • Which Limp Bizkit song do elves listen to while building toys?
    He did it all for the cookies!
  • What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
    RUDEolph.
  • Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
    Because he had low elf esteem.
  • Why can’t the Christmas tree stand up?
    It doesn’t have legs.
  • What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?
    It’s Christmas, Eve!
  • How can you tell a family doesn’t celebrate Christmas?
    The lights are on, but nobody’s a gnome.
  • How does santa get his Reindeer to fly?
    He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
  • Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
    The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
  • What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
    Limp Bizkit
  • Name the child’s favorite Christmas king?
    A stocking.
  • What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert?
    Camel ye Faithful.
  • What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?
    A lost clause.
  • What part of the body do you only see during Christmas?
    mistletoe.
  • How does an elf get to Santa’s workshop?
    By icicle.
  • How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
    He felt his presents.
  • I ate a lot of Xmas decorations for Xmas and I got really sick
    Hear I had tinsel lightest.
  • Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
    He was looking for the holiday spirit.
  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
    Claustrophobic.
  • What do the elves cook with in the kitchen?
    Utinsel.
  • What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve?
    A pack of batteries with a note saying “toy not included”.
  • What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?
    Santa stopped at 3 ho’s.
  • What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
    They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
  • What do lawn ornaments do over winter break?
    Go gnome for the holidays.
  • What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
    A Christmas Quacker.
  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
    Snowballs.
  • How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
    He installs a parking meter on the roof.
  • What do you call a frog hanging from a ceiling?
    Mistletoad.
  • Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
    Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
    Frostbite
  • Did you hear about the Gypsy Santa Claus?
    He slides down your chimney and ask “Who wants to buy a toy?”
  • What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
    Silent Night
  • I was looking out of the window this morning and said to my wife “It looks like rain dear.”
  • What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
    Frosted Flakes

Also Read: Latest Christmas Wishes and Quotes Images 2016

  • How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
    Fleece Navidad
  • Why doesn’t Santa clause like getting stuck in chimneys?
    Because he’s clause-trophobic.
  • What do you call a christmas song parody that’s not funny?
    The first no-LOL
  • What nationality is Santa Claus?
    North Polish.
  • What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
    Crisp Cringle.
  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
    Snowballs.
  • Why did Santa bring 22 reindeers to WalMart with him?
    Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks and just in case it cost more he brought some extra doe.
  • What do you call a can wearing a Christmas hat?
    A Merry Can (American)
  • How does Santa Claus take a picture?
    With a North Pole-roid.
  • Why was Santa cast in a musical?
    Because he had stage presents (presence).
  • What do you call a fat bearded man that slides down your chimney in December?
    A thief that is out of shape.
  • Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
    Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
  • Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
    Even the small ones give satisfaction
  • What do you call a sheep who doesn’t like Christmas?
    Baaaaaaaa humbug.
  • Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
    Because he had low elf esteem.
  • What do you call a girl who cheats on you during the holidays?
    A ho ho ho bag.
  • Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?
    Because every buck is dear to him!
  • What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?
    One slays the dragon and the other drags the slay.
  • Why can’t you trust baked goods during the holidays?
    It might be a minced spy.
  • What did the snowman eat?
    Icebergs with chilli sauce.
  • What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
    Cheeses Crust.
  • How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
    Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!
  • What do you call a blind reindeer?.
    I have no eye deer

Also Read: Christmas Jokes in English


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