Christmas Jokes in English

Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Hamleys one Christmas Eve. Dad said, ‘What a marvellous train set. I’ll buy it.’ The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, ‘Great, I’m sure your son will really love it.’ Dad replied with a glint in his eye, ‘Maybe you’re right. In that case I’ll take two.’

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The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ ‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Emily sweetly. ‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What do would you like me to bring her?’ Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, ‘A son-in-law.’

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Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, ‘from Father Christmas.’ A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason. ‘What’s the matter, Al?’ I asked. ‘Ummmm, ‘replied Alex slowly, ‘I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Christmas.’

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On the Sunday before Christmas Reverend Billy Graham was walking down Highland street in Mt Holly, North Carolina on his way to see a parishioner. However, he wanted to post a parcel urgently so he asked a young boy where he could find the post office. When the boy had directed him, Reverend Graham thanked him and said, ‘If you’ll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.’ The boy replied, ‘I think I’ll give your sermon a miss. If you don’t even know your way to the post office, how will you lead me to heaven?’

Also Read: Funny Kids Christmas Jokes

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It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’ ‘No, madam, ‘he replied, ‘they’re all dead.’

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On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be’ Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, ‘How about some perfume?’ She showed him a bottle costing £75. [$150USD] ‘Too expensive,’ muttered Nathan. The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. ‘Oh dear,’ Nathan groused, ‘still far too much.’ Growing rather annoyed at Nathan’s meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him. Nathan became really agitated, ‘What I mean’, he whined, ‘is I’d like to see something really cheap.’ So the sales girl handed him a mirror.

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It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, ‘What are you charged with?’ The prisoner replied, ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too early.’ ‘That’s no crime’, said the magistrate. ‘Just how early were you doing this shopping?’ ‘Before the shop opened’, answered the prisoner.

Also Read: Cool Funny Christmas jokes and wallpaper


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